I’m good at disappointing the people I love the most.
I’ve always been amazed by this ability of mine as I can be great to strangers and people that are not so close or important to me and do everything to help them and make them happy. But at the same time, I disappoint the ones that actually matter.
My only relief is that I make it up to them at some point. But that doesn’t change the past.
But don’t think I don’t appreciate them. On the contrary, I thank for having them in my life every day. And I don’t forget that while in their company. I’m grateful and experience the time I spend with them. I just disappoint them often.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I’m not good at relationships.
And I think the main reason is that sometimes (more often than I want to) I disappoint myself. And when you haven’t fixed your relationship with yourself, you can’t really have any other good ones.
I love making lists and offering solutions to problems. So here is what you need to do about this one:
- be aware of the fact that you disappoint the people you love;
- try to figure out why;
- analyze your relationship with yourself first;
- then focus on making the people you love happy.
These are the main steps to take when in this situation. And I’ve done it. I know exactly what to do. And still there’s something missing because I keep doing the same thing.
At some point I realized there’s a piece of the puzzle that’s missing. A very important one.
People who disappoint family and friends have this one trait in common – they disappoint themselves first. So I think it’s better to improve your relationship with yourself first before you do that with others.
Here is how this can happen:
How to Form Healthy Relationships
1. Forgive yourself.
Whatever you’ve done in the past, forgive yourself for it. It doesn’t have any place in your future and can only affect your relationship with others.
2. Accept yourself.
You tend to focus on your mistakes, the things you don’t like about yourself, the bad things you say, your negative thoughts, the decisions you take and then regret. But what will happen if you just accept all this and see yourself for who you really are?
I think you will benefit a lot by making this little change.
3. Appreciate yourself.
Even if you see yourself as a bad person, someone who hasn’t achieved anything and will never become successful, you’re missing out on a lot.
You’re beautiful. As a human being you have your deep feelings and emotions, empathy and desire to make the world a better place, you have great qualities and abilities and can actually do whatever you want to.
You’re also a human magnet and have powers beyond imagination. You can create, become a great example for others and live a happy life. You can explore, build, change, destroy, get out there and become whoever you want to be.
4. Have a positive vision of yourself.
Delete the negative image of yourself in your head. Instead, expect the best to happen. Always think that you will do great in life, will achieve all your goals, have great relationships and be a wonderful person.
5. Let go.
In order to have a great relationship with yourself you’ll need to let go of a few things that are always holding you back.
Things like regrets, fears, worries, judging people, trying to please everyone, living by someone else’s standards, comparing yourself to others, wishing you were different and so on.
Now this is not some kind of a guide. And it may not work for everyone. I’m not saying that doing these 5 things (which actually sound much easier than they really are) will change your life and you will have great relationships for the rest of it.
It’s just what I’ve found to work so far.
But regardless of who you are and what you’ve done in the past, the relationships in your life will benefit from a little gratitude, appreciation and letting go. So give it a try.
What other steps can you add to the process of self-healing, getting familiar with your true self and self-understanding? What do you do to have healthy relationships?
Full-time freelance writer. Lifestyle designer.
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