Embrace Insecurity and Live the Life You Deserve

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”
John Allen Paulos

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Most people spend their lives trying to reach financial stability, to feel safe at the place they live, to have a job they won’t get fired from, to have loyal friends, a faithful partner and so on.

These things are hard to find and even harder to keep, not to mention all the fears, doubts and inner fights we have while trying to do that.

The conclusion then is that security, if we assume we have it, is never certain and can be gone, which makes us realize that we never actually had it in the first place.
Because I’m sure you will agree that the money we have now can be gone tomorrow, the company we work for can go bankrupt, we can lose friends, realize that our relationship is fake or find the love somewhere else.

Let’s see what makes security pointless to worry about and not at all that important:

1. Everything in life is transient.

Many consider that a depressing and sad fact but it’s actually what should make us appreciate the present, this very moment and the things and people that are around us at this stage of our lives.

2. We don’t really own things.Β Β 

Never forget the fact that we are only temporary owners of the material things we have. We use them (our house; clothes; books; computer…) when we need them, they are supposed to play their role in our lives (to entertain us, help us with our job, make us feel comfortable…) and that’s all. And the moment we start getting too attached to them, we are in a trap.

3. What is secure is familiar and old.

We feel safe only around things and people we know, doing the tasks we’ve always been doing, having the same habits, living in the same environment and having the same old dreams and goals we want to reach one day (although that ‘one day’ scares us to death because it’s so distant and different from the comfort zone we’ve established for ourselves). All that makes us live either in our past or makes us afraid of the future and the big changes it will bring.

4. Feeling secure won’t make us grow and evolve.

It means staying in one place, not moving forward and not improving.

So instead of constantly worrying and looking for security and safety, let’s accept the fact that it’s a utopia, an illusion we love living in only because it prevents us from taking serious decisions, making changes, moving on and letting go.

And once we understand that, once we go out of our comfort zone, feel the emotional freedom and all the other benefits of living consciously and happily, we will be able to embrace insecurity.

Only then will everyone feel powerful enough not to get attached to things, not to feel devastated when he loses his job or doesn’t yet have the money for a nice place to live. Only then will he have the energy and mindset to grow spiritually and mentally, to appreciate everything, to actually feel love, success, happiness and inner peace.

Here are the benefits of insecurity in its deepest meaning:

  • living in the moment, not in the past;
  • letting go of regrets, fear, doubts and expectations;
  • becoming more confident, powerful and in control of your life;
  • emotional freedom;
  • enjoying life;
  • living at a higher level, where emotions, feelings and thoughts are stronger than objects, positions and places;
  • trying new things, meeting new people, welcoming new opportunities;
  • get better at school, work, your hobbies, with the projects and plans you have and in your relationships;
  • leaving your comfort zone (because we all know that life starts at the end of it).

Maybe you’ve noticed a few paradoxes.

For example, somehow insecurity means that we will have control of our life.

Now we consider it scary because it’s something unfamiliar but only when we feel it, have it and know how it works, do we become stronger, do we feel the inner power that tells us we can do anything we put our mind to. And, in the end, we come to the conclusion that insecurity is actually… security.

So if you, like many others, don’t feel satisfied with your life, if you think you are meant to be more, always strive for security but see that with every step you take, it gets further and further, then you are ready to embrace insecurity.

But take your time. This is one of the biggest and most important steps in your life.
So do it slowly and steadily.

What do you think about that? Do you have a constant need to feel safe?
Are you always trying to be in control?

See also:

Finding peace with uncertainty
Ways to embrace the uncertain future
Let go of attachment
Ditch expectations
Certainty is an illusion
Beat the fears that hold you back

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Lidiya K

Lidiya K

Author, blogger and podcaster in the fields of self-improvement and life hacking. Creator of Let's Reach Success.
Full-time freelance writer. Lifestyle designer.
Lidiya K

45 Comments

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  1. I was alway told that I am made strong in my weakness through God’s power. Although I sometimes dread them, I am thankful for those weakness for most of the reasons you mention here. Thanks for sharing : )

  2. Well said, Lidiya. A profound truth. I needed to hear that today. πŸ™‚
    I also would say, though, that your spirit and your spirituality is the only thing that provides true security throughout your life, but really that’s it.

  3. Very true words that I love to hear from others. This belief is a true assistance to help one grow, a path that one should never avoid. Personal growth is a true gift in one’s life.

  4. When I read the title, I was reticent to consider this perspective; howeve, I see that your premise is level two of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which I believe needs revision. I think Maslow had the wrong perspective. I think you have the right one. And guess what? I wrote an article, entitled Sense of Security…or at least I think that’s what I entitled it. At any rate, I’ll be posting it in the future. Great perspective!

  5. It feels amazing reading your post and feeling myself responding to your words because I think the same way, have similar ideas – means one day people like us (hoping you wouldn’t mind the association) will be the majority. if you ever have a minute, visit my friend’s and mine blog, you might find some inspiration there, too!

    1. Thanks for visiting my blog and sharing your opinion. I like the ideas you discuss in your posts and started following your blog. Hope we will keep in touch through our writings.

  6. This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m transition in careers, beginning a new one at “the bottom,” and feeling insecurity top to bottom. Thanks for a fresh and helpful perspective.

    1. Thank you for the nice words and support. Although I think I’m just at the beginning of what I will call a career some day.
      Have a great day πŸ™‚

  7. A good post Lidiya. As I read, I thought to myself, is this a post hinting of Existential Nihilism? Paradoxes of life that only have significant meaning when we embrace them? Otherwise, if we do not, then observable/perceived life seems pointless on the surface. Ah, but fortunately for humanity’s sanity, metaphysics, Quantum Physics, microbiology, genetics, etc., mankind now knows there is no need to “fear” death, or as you stated: “living in the moment, not in the past” and better still, not heavily in the “future” (about death) either. In other words, once we embrace the true condition of our existence, it allows us to truly be human BEINGS, human be’ers, if you will, not human shall-be’s.

    Significant meaning in life is a consequence of engagement and commitment to the whole life system no matter the time or space which Einstein and many other great physicists have proven only exists in our mind’s coping mechanisms — it is not a reflection of nature, but only our VERY subjective coping; a coping mechanism that needs to be greatly broadened and as you allude Lidiya…greatly embraced.

    Thank you for sharing this! πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you for reading my post and once again getting to the heart of it. I appreciate your comments as they are always interesting and really make me think.
      Existential Nihilism is a theory I’ve come across a few times but never actually read about it so now I have the chance to do it properly. It seems interesting.

  8. Great article. I found it on a day where I was wrestling with the fact that my budget has gone out of control, again. I had put together a great outline, a solid budget for the month, our finances were going to be able to look good! Then of course, a bunch of random things popped up that needed to be taken care of. I was so upset my budget was blown. But hey, they were necessities and had to be purchased. Thanks for the reminder that with money, possessions, and day to day living, things are uncertain and if I can’t be flexible and roll with it, I will be missing out on a lot of joy and beauty.
    I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this example of how often we need to deal with insecurity in daily life. I see that your reaction is adequate and you completely realize that sometimes we just can’t do anything else to fix the situation but to accept it, keep our head up and move on.

  9. Nice article! I appreciate your view point about the ongoing hesitance and concern we might be dealing with because we simply cannot avoid uncertainty completely. Here is my take from the article: ‘There are numerous cases in which the uncertainty of the outcome makes us unable to achieve what we would really find desirable which in turn affects our actions and leads us to conservative decisions and lack of courage to move beyond what we have pictured as our comfort zone. This is not quite wise, so let’s break the barriers of fear from insecurity, value the moment we live at and overcome the mental effect of past failures and judgmental future losses. This improvement should end up at a better conclusion.’
    I like the part that you highlight the transient nature of life and the role for all of our belongings. There is however roles that we play in our lives for which we are responsible and failure can be quite saddening. Examples include loss of a close friend for misconduct, a job opportunity because of lack of good work, illness following lack of good care and exercise, and etc. Can we live in the moment happily if we do not perform as well as we could and end up at such undesirable outcomes? I am not sure! I am not sure if I agree with the conclusion. Without an understanding of our roles in our lives and valuing everything according to that, the perfect question that you raise is left without a good answer.
    Let me know what you think! I always learn a lot from your thoughts.

    1. Thank you for reading my post carefully and sharing your thoughts on it. Your take from it sounds great. Well said!
      As for the part you don’t agree with, I don’t think I actually mention all you said. And of course we should consider the outcome of every situation and never act carelessly. Understanding the roles we have in our lives is important and I don’t deny that. It has nothing to do with security and insecurity, though, it’s just a proof that shows whether we know where we are, what we do, why we do it and where we’re heading.
      I just urge everyone not to highlight the bad and uncertain side of daily life and to try to live in the moment, to value the present and to make the best of every situation.

  10. Great post Lidiya! I absolutely agree… we can choose security (which isn’t even real) or Freedom & Life!

    A few of my favorite quotes on the subject:

    “Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.” ~Thomas Jefferson

    “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    “If you want total security, go to prison. There you’re fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking… is freedom.” ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

    Thank you for this post! Have a great day Lidiya!

  11. It is interesting how the term β€œinsecurity” is usually seen as a negative. Yes, it is an uncomfortable place to be, but like you said, it usually happens when we leave our comfort zone. So rather than judge ourselves for having a bout of insecurity, maybe it is more about congratulating ourselves for having the courage to taking steps forward into the unknown (or less known). Nice post, Lidiya.

  12. This is so true! Because of the way I grew up I always searched for security…but if found, it only exists for a little while. Thank you for writing this. πŸ™‚

    1. Same here. I know what you mean. Security can feel so real but is such an illusion once you realize it’s only in your mind, an ideal you’ve created and got used to.

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